to the ongoing writers' strike,
with actors (in a rare moment of solidarity)
refusing to cross the picket line
This raises the prospect of the Oscars being canceled,
thus saving six hours of our lives
Keira Knightley [click on image to enlarge]
Bollocks to the Oscars
The 2003 Oscar ceremony had the misfortune to fall on the same weekend that "Operation Iraqi Freedom" broke out in the Middle East.
Various luminaries bailed out at the last minute, viewing figures went through the floor and the organisers hastily rolled up the red carpet (and then bizarrely replaced it with one that came in a sensitive shade of plum).
It was quite the weirdest Academy Awards I can remember; a nervous, half-cocked, billion-dollar redundancy.
The 2008 Oscars may yet be weirder still. Today comes the news that Sunday's Golden Globe ceremony has fallen victim to the ongoing writers' strike, with actors (in a rare moment of solidarity) reportedly refusing to cross the picket line.
This raises the very real prospect of the Oscars following suit, with the traditional celebrity blow-out replaced by something altogether more streamlined and Spartan.
This year's Golden Globes will still be awarded, of course - just not in the manner to which we have grown accustomed. Instead, NBC plans to run a one hour "magazine show" featuring clips from the nominated films, followed by a utilitarian press conference in which the winners' names will be read out by Speechless actors.
After that the TV crews will scour Hollywood in the hopes of flushing the victors from hiding: gate-crashing private parties, door-stopping the houses on Mulholland Drive, running amok in rehab facilities. Whatever it takes.
I may well change my mind before Oscar season is done (journalist's prerogative and all that), but this sounds rather brilliant. If nothing else, it adds a little grit and danger to the proceedings.
Out with the red carpet and its attendant court of sycophants (particularly those alarming morons who insist on pointing out that they are "live on E!" Shame on them).
Out with the timid comedy routines and the toe-curling show-tunes. Out with the deadly acceptance speeches. Out with the whole overdressed, overhyped lot of them.
And in its place? Well, I think there is the opportunity here to have the best of both worlds: the high culture and the low.
To start, we'll have a lofty hour or so of clips and debate, picking over the respective merits of the various nominees (no need for scriptwriters here; just wheel the pundits into a studio).
After that, we'd have the big announcement (possibly read out by someone for whom English is not their first language; just to amp up the tension).
And then we'd have the main event: a celebrity turkey shoot in which a quartet of rival film crews (each headed up by a former Oscar winner) are given two hours to flush out as many winners as they can.
These adventures would be screened live on a split screen, as the teams burn rubber across town in search of Daniel Day-Lewis and the like. Perhaps they could even be given clues to the target's whereabouts.
And perhaps the winner who is unlucky enough to be caught first can have their Oscar forcibly removed from them: a hysterical Keira Knightley wrestled to the ground at the Vanity Fair bash as Team Halle Berry wrest back the statuette. Live on E!
A word to the Writers Guild of America: sit tight and keep spinning out those negotiations. We could be six weeks away from the greatest Oscar show on earth.
Beatles Songs Could Sell Anything
Sony/ATV is now taking bids from brands angling to use beatles tracks in their television ads. Sony/ATV says it will only license a song if the ad is tasteful.Given that All You Need is Love has already been snapped up by Proctor & Gamble to flog diapers in the States, Sony/ATV's powers of discrimination have clearly been thrown out with the bath water.
Obama - Return of the Hollow Man
Ginned up fear and anxiety conspire to create an opportunity and into that vacuum walks another friendly face – a face in the crowd.As one great seducer [Bill Clinton] leaves the spotlight, another [Obama] enters from stage right.
Their personas are created on Madison Avenue, financed by Wall Street and sold on YouTube. It’s a crony corporate trifecta and the sullen youth of America, frightened soccer Moms and salivating militarists are giddily marching together down the prim rose path once again.
Why do these pied pipers of faux political policy so continually beguile America? The answer is – they pimp the sizzle and ditch the steak.
White Woman v Black Man
When it comes to choosing people to rule over us, I have long suspected misogyny was even stronger than racism. Iowa has never elected a woman in a congressional or gubernatorial election.So sure, you can have the safe, smily, “witty”, mixed-race guy, but let's not go for the scary woman.
Who wants to be pussy-whipped by a Glenn Close or Meryl Streep career bitch every time there's a State of the Union address? Shouldn't they really (oh, whisper it) be at home with the kids?
The Barack Obama enigma: a JFK, a liberal Reagan or a Carter?
Hillary Clinton’s advisers whisperingly compare their rival to Jimmy Carter in 1976, who promised a new beginning after Watergate and Vietnam but whose presidency subsequently became a byword for well-meaning incompetence.Clip: Hillary Clinton Gets Emotional
In perhaps her most public display of emotion of the campaign, Hillary Clinton’s eyes welled with tears, and her voice cracked dramatically, as she talked about holding up under the rigors of the race and her belief that she is the best candidate.Men Aging Badly: Robert Redford & Co. Look Like Old Lesbians
Not all men over 40 look like George Clooney. In fact, some middle-aged men, especially those who start experimenting with different styles, begin to look, well, frankly, rather like old lesbians. Or at least, let?s say, like middle-aged lesbians.Obama Lulls White Americans into Believing Racism Is Dead
The race issue is almost absent from Obama's message. That's the way white America likes it. He has the role of an inadequate and ineffective balm on the long-running racist sore. His victory may symbolize a great deal but will change very little.Britney Spears Blow-Out: Mental Illness Becomes a Spectator Sport
From top to rock bottom, from Bournemouth to Beverly Hills, we've all become voyeurs, gawpers. That's the distressing bit. A deluded 26-year-old has lost her bearings and her two small children. And we're queuing up for a peek and a snigger.Paul Krugman: American Mantra - "Raising Taxes Would Be a Disaster!"
When the economy is doing reasonably well, conservative economic policies get all the credit. When things turn down, there is a seamless transition from ?Hurray for tax cuts!? to ?The economy is slumping! Raising taxes would be a disaster!?Latest Democratic & Republican Debates: The Right & the Further Right
While the Republican candidates?with one exception?backed Bush and the major policies of his presidency, above all the Iraq war, the Democratic candidates showed themselves equally determined to defend the global interests of American imperialism.